Shopping Shenanigans

Oh. My. Gosh.

Today was like a balloon animal. I kid you not. It was full to the point of busting, and there were so many twists and turns that if it didn’t turn out to be at least a giraffe (in the world of balloon animals), I may just cry.

Started out with hubby out the door for surgery at 8. (In addition to the usual biggest up at 6, littlest up less than an hour later kinda deal). Had to pick up hubby from surgery later on, and being that I don’t drive, I had to arrange the ride and make sure that he got home in one piece. I should note: one piece is relative after surgery, standard rule. Hubby was happy as a clam and high as a kite. Twist 1: Check! Came home, kept an eye on hubby for a couple of hours, then it was off to the races.

Twist 2: today happens to be the day I finally get my child funds, and can get the stuff on the list that’s been sitting on my fridge for 3 weeks. Read: out of everything, must get now.

Twist 3: very few options about getting errands done with two small children and a high hubby. I could, of course, postpone until tomorrow. Nope that won’t work, out of formula. Maybe Grammy will come with to keep me company? Nope, recent sleepisode combined with quilt project make this unlikely. Side note: Quilt project is beautiful, encourage Grammy to keep sewing. Maybe hubby can look after the kids while I … oh wait. Nevermind, cancel that. Ok, looks like we’re off on an adventure. This seemed like an exciting possibility, so I find a bus that’s going soon, pry Grammy out of project long enough to get out the door on time (of course the next bus is coming in 15 minutes and of COURSE the next one isn’t for an hour and a half…). Make it to the bus. Yay! We’re at the mall.

Twist 4: Shopping with a double stroller that weighs at least 60 lbs between children and gear, and trying to shop takes effort. You see, I was only blessed with two hands. Nevertheless, I haven’t realized yet how difficult this will prove. Check jammy store in the mall, no non summer jammies. Lame. Walk up to Stuff Mart. Walk in. OH NO. This was not thought of. Of course not. I now have 2 options: hang on to a basket and hold it while pushing the buggy, or pull one buggy and push a cart. I choose holding a basket. How much stuff do I actually need here? Apparently a lot, and all of it was heavy. Amidst some very trying corners and several funny or maybe sympathetic looks, I make it to the checkout line.

Twist 5: MOM PEE MOM PEE MOM PEE. Oh crap. You have to pee? Now? Can’t you just like, not pee? Ok, you’ll have to wait, we’re paying for stuff. PEEEEEEE. We’re almost done. Top that with the fact that I am incapable of taking merchandise into the washroom, and I’m having a sweating panic attack. Thank heavens the cashier was willing to hold on to my merchandise. Made it to the washroom. Dry. *phew* I am now at least 5 pounds lighter and 5 pounds sweatier. We leave.

Twist 6: Still do not have jammies, so I walk back down to the jammy store. Shorts it is, I say. Great, forgot the coupons. What’s next? (Please let the stroller stay together?)

Twist 7: A bus! Oh a sweet beautiful slightly muddy bus! What’s that you say? You don’t see me frantically careening towards you with a buggy full of child? And you wait until I’m almost at the door to pull away? Fine then. I will take my frustration and my extra pound of sweat home in a hurry, and I’ll walk. After all, that’s what feet are for.

Twist 8: My buggy is cranky. It needs a nap

Twist 9: I’m only half done.

Twist 10: YAY! Grammy will take them for a nap? Wonderful. I’m leaving. I’m also getting a mocha with an extra shot. And extra whip. And pretty much everything else.

Twist 11: Trainee at the coffee shop. Are you kidding? You call that extra whip? Oh well, it’s caffeine right?

Twist 12: Finally make it to the last store, count up my money and realize that I now have to put back half the stuff I came for. Was Stuff Mart really that expensive? Yeesh.

Twist 13: Finally make it home, and to make myself feel better, I put all of my stuff on the couch to look at and… It doesn’t even fill up a third. My head is turning into something resembling the ending of the Witch King of Agmar after he’s been stabbed with Eowyn’s sword now.

Twist 14: 5 hours later, with almost nothing to show for it, and I realize in amidst all of my “fun” I haven’t eaten at all, aaand I still have bottles to do, aaaand my hubby is no longer high and now requiring some significant pain relief.

Twist 15: Finally get the chores done, eat (amidst some major stomach upset from stuffing panago cheese bread on a long-since-empty stomach) and go to play my video game. PS3 doesn’t work. Guess what? It’s fixable. Some good news! What’s that? It’s gonna take 9 hours and 21 minutes to reset this thing? Oh. Ok. Um. Well I guess I’ll watch some mythbusters, that’ll do in a pinch. (Five separate reloads thanks to the player crashing and I’m done. It’s taken me an hour and a half to watch one episode.

I think I’m gonna call it quits here. At this point my balloon animal giraffe day is turning into more of a balloon animal T-rex “RAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I’m gonna eat you scenario”. I really hope tomorrow is a little more herbivore-esque.

Twist 16: on my way to bed I realize that despite my urge to duck under the covers and make the t-rex go away, that I forgot to make formula AND the diapers are still in the washer waiting to be dried…..

I’m going now.


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