I have to say, this last little bit, whether it’s because of all the hubbub of vaccinations or the rain or stopping breastfeeding, I’ve been everything from crabby to sleepy to moody. I’m totally tired of it. The only problem is, I don’t know what to do about it. I suffered from postpartum depression (in the online world known as PPD), after biggest was born, and was on meds for over a year. In fact, it wasn’t until I got pregnant with littlest that I came off them. I realized this morning that I’m absolutely terrified of having PPD a second time. However, I’m not entirely convinced that’s what I’m experiencing.
In my family, we aren’t afraid of admitting that medication is required. Heck, my sister and my mother have both been diagnosed with various forms of depression, and my mother has an uncommon sleep disorder that also requires medication (which my sister may also have, as it’s hereditary). So why am I afraid?
This is how my day goes. I wake up with the kiddos at 7 (Biggest gets up really early sometimes, so we’ve had to teach him to rest in his bed until 7, as he was getting quite crabby just getting up and going right away). Biggest plays in his room for an hour, I go back to bed. It takes me another half an hour to get out of bed after that, due to a headache and extreme grogginess. I get up. I spend another hour trying to crawl in my coffee cup, then I slog my way downstairs with the idea of doing laundry, only to find that I’ve sat down and can’t get the energy to get back up again. I play games with biggest until 11:30 or noon, get him lunched and down for his nap. Then I spend the next 2 – 3 hours either sleeping (if hubby is home) or playing games while he sleeps. After that, I’ve finally summoned enough energy to get the dishes done, a load of laundry in, and dinner cooking. By 6, I’m actually awake and energetic (most of the time) and get some extra chores done, then I spend some time with my hubby. It doesn’t seem to matter when I go to sleep at this point, it could be at 9, it could be at 1, but it will put me in the same shape the next morning. (I realize, as I’m re-reading this, that I should point out littlest feedings are interspersed through out the day.)(In case anyone was wondering.)
I’m pretty sure that’s not how most people’s days go. I just can’t decide whether I’m feeling moody because I don’t have any energy, or whether I don’t have any energy because I’m moody. Sleep disorder or PPD? I guess we’ll see. Doctor’s appointment is next week so we’ll see what he thinks. And now I have to go lunch and nap the biggest. C’mon mood!