To Be A Mother.

You know that point you get to where something has to change? Today was that point. I was a terrible mother today, and it’s difficult admitting that, yet there it is. My husband was gracious and took the kids for most of the day, but the few times I had with them, I was snarly, crabby, rude, short, etc. Any negative adjective you think, I was. It culminated in a screaming match with Biggest just before bed. I am completely ashamed of myself. I’m supposed to be teaching these children how to get over their differences, respect others around them, and solve grievances with a modicum of diplomacy. And instead of modeling that, I turned into a two-year-old myself.

It was for the benefit of both Biggest and I, however, as I was able to take a step back and think. So I thought, and thought, and when I was done, I thought some more. It made me realize a few things. It made me realize that I was not turning into the parent I wanted to be. It made me realize that I spend way too much time watching other people parent (or reading about other people’s parenting) and not nearly enough time actually parenting from my heart. Other people do not parent my children. I do. I’ve read so much stuff, googled so much stuff, heard so much stuff that I can’t discern what part is mine anymore. Case in point: I solved Littlest’s solids problem. Not google, not my Mommy blogs that I read, not anyone I talked to. I did. Me. Wanna know what the problem was? I rushed his transition. It took Biggest 2 months of formula-flavoured cereal to get used to solids, at which point we started vegetables and fruits. I gave Littlest a week. Since I figured that out, he’s been eating like a darling, no spoon grabbing, no spitting, just eating.

So on that note, I am taking a week’s hiatus. No Facebook. No Twitter (which is kinda cool by the way). No Blog. Just me. And my kids. And hopefully at the end of the week, I will have figured out what is me, and resolved the attitude problem. At least somewhat, 2-year-olds tend to be one big attitude.

I’m not a chaotic person. I like my routines. I like my quiet. It might not make for very exciting updates, or very interesting stories. But I think that might be ok.

So I’ll talk next week, and until then, I’m off to be a mother.


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