Crab Level 5.

For the record, I have so much more appreciation for my mother having to deal with twin “twos”. The time has come for me to follow her example, and disappear from the public eye for a while. It should be noted that “public eye” does not indicate the internet “public eye”. By public eye I mean dealing with real people that must be subjected to my unfortunate battle for dominance in a testosteronated household full of tiny feet. While the prospect is exciting, it may get a little messy, and I’d rather not drag my small army out of doors to an actual destination, only to make a scene right out of Godzilla.

You may think that is ridiculous for whatever reason: they’re adorable, they couldn’t possibly be that crabby, you’re making a big deal out of nothing, or everyone else does it so it shouldn’t be a problem. Keeping in mind, however, that I deal with a large amount of social anxiety to begin with, and adding in potentially loud scenes in public areas, and it turns into a really good reason to deal with the behavior at home. Given the various and frequent incidents of late, I am going to do the world a favor, and stay home until Crab Level comes back down to 1.

I shall explain.

Crab Level 5: Requires immediate evacuation from premises.  
Outings: Never. Screaming: Always.

Crab Level 4: Repeat removal from current premises for misbehavior. 
Outings: Only under extreme circumstances. Screaming: Frequent.

Crab Level 3: Assume apologies to premises host will be necessary.
Outings: Should be avoided. Screaming: Often.

Crab Level 2: Attitude checks are inevitable.
Outings: Use discretion. Screaming: Occasionally.

Crab Level 1: Attitudes are unlikely. Any that do arise are generally well controlled.
Outings: Acceptable. Screaming: Rarely.

As of now, we’re at level 5. I think it’ll do wonders for everyone’s state of mind if I stay home and settle in. A month’s worth of just Mommy, and getting used to Mommy’s way of doing things, as well as setting up a normal routine will probably go a long way. Once we’ve worked that out, we’re planning on doing a couple of test runs on Skype, as Biggest reacts the same way to someone on Skype as he does in person. With any luck, most of the fits out-and-about will be related to Biggest and Littlest being unsure of me. Once we’re sure, I expect most of the incidents we’ve had will go away on their own. It’s one of those “deal with the root instead of the stem” kind of situations, and I’m optimistic. That being said, a month’s worth of just me means no visiting, no restaurants, and no stores. At least, not with the crew. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Now if you’ll excuse me, Biggest has somehow managed to sneak in my closet to get the stool he’s not allowed to have and is now attempting to wash his cars in the sink.

It’s never dull!
The Handler.


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