5 Reasons Why I’m STILL Sick

Well folks, I’m still sick. It’s been a week and a half, and I’m still kinda feeling like death. I analyzed why that may be, since I’ve eaten all the things I’m supposed to, and taken all the remedies I’m supposed to take, and I’ve come to the following realizations.

#1: Ants in My Pants.
I don’t know about you, but I can’t sit still for long anymore. I used to be able to spend hours in one place, but once the kiddos arrived, that all changed. The instant you sit down, someone else needs your attention. At some point, much to my surprise and unease, it’s become a habit. Generally speaking, it doesn’t disrupt anything too terribly much, but in the case of a bug, I find it next to impossible to actually rest it out. If I had I’d probably be well already. Instead, I’ve done the laundry, I’ve done the dishes, I’ve cooked, I’ve organized, I’ve vacuumed. While my head is considerably clearer from my to-do list being a lot smaller, I am still hacking and wheezing. Maybe I’ll learn eventually?

#2: Errands Wait For No Woman.
I don’t know how many times I’ve had to brave the cold, damp, really-bad-for-sick-lungs air this last week. Whether it was running out of milk, or desperately needing a coffee, or having the books I ordered arrive, or running out of my Keep-Mommy-Awake pills, I have had to vacate the house on multiple occasions. Again, while my head is considerably clearer from having all those errands done, my lungs are not impressed. On top of that, my asthma has flared up this winter, and it is making it much more difficult to get rid of the dry cough.

#3: Leave Mommy Alone? You’re Joking!
Otherwise known as Look!-Mommy’s-On-The-Floor,-Let’s-Play-Drive-The-Mommy. Not that I’m blaming my kids, because I know for a fact that is what Mommies are for (and secretly, it tickles my funny bone to no end when Biggest launches himself onto my back and yells LOOK MOMMY I’M DRIVING YOU!). Middle of the night scary dreams, Tylenol refills, Cheerio runs, and Save-The-Baby-From-Hurting-Himself-Because-He-Rolled-Into-The-Kitchen are all part of the job. That being said, when you want to fall asleep on the floor, and falling asleep is closer to closing your eyes for 5 minutes at a time instead, the rest factor that allows for a quick recovery goes down a bit.

#4: That Whole Cooking Thing.
I am a bit of a nutrition buff. I like to make things that are as healthy as possible, and religiously read labels to avoid all those non-pronouncables that taste great and slowly kill your liver. Sadly, I made the mistake of reading those labels on all of my sick go-to’s, and am now entirely unable to actually permit myself to eat them. Except Lipton’s Chicken Noodle. I deliberately didn’t read the label after I realized that it was the last thing I had left on my sick list. If it ends up being the worst of the bunch, please don’t disillusion me. I don’t want to know. Anyway, long story short, all those healthy things that make you feel better take energy to cook. I think at the moment, it’s probably a trade off: energy for nutrition. Which basically reads as your body will appreciate the nutrients, but you probably should be resting, so it’s still going to take you forever to actually feel better.

#5: Oh Sleep, You Dog!
This ties in with everything else, so let’s face it. As a mother, you just don’t sleep. The kids, even when sick, still get up at ungodly hours. And considering that you probably remembered your coffee at 8:00pm, drank it for the simple insistence that it needed to be drunk regardless of the time, and subsequently couldn’t fall asleep until 1:00am, followed by feverish nightmares, children climbing into your bed, you and your spouse hacking every half an hour, and a pee break that couldn’t wait because of the amount of coffee you drank… whatever rest you do get is going to be lacking in quality and therefore not helpful in making you better.

My advice? Don’t get sick. Eat garlic, chug orange juice, down a bottle of Oil of Oregano, drink Nettle Tea, do whatever it takes, because once you’re sick, you’re doomed.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have dishes to do, a bathroom to clean, and laundry to sort. What was that about learning?

The Handler.


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