The Difference Of Boys


As you may or may not have guessed, raising boys has been a challenge for me, mainly because I did not have a lot of boy contact when I was younger. My sister and I were really awkward teenagers, and before that, we thought most boys were smelly and not to be played with. Since we had no siblings besides each other, we just didn’t get a lot of male exposure. Keeping that in mind, it’s very easy as a woman and a mother to over-complicate matters of 3-year-old male importance.

Case in point: Yesterday’s dinner. Biggest couldn’t get past the point of his juice being gone, and didn’t eat the rest of his food because he was too upset about the lack of tasty beverage. He’s under the sadly mistaken impression that juice at dinner time never runs out. I’m not sure where he got that idea, since it’s never been limitless. Either way, the fact remains that males have a one-track mind, and once it goes in a direction, it must finish that direction before it goes to the next stop. My husband and I had a conversation about it the other day, and it was summed up in the statement below, using the scene of steak at dinner.

Man: Delicious steak. Delicious steak. Delicious steak.

Woman: Delicious steak. Oh, there’s fat. I don’t like fat. I’m going to cut the fat off, and I probably should put it in an easy-to-scrape pile for later. If I do that, I should be able to stack the dishes instead of washing all of them tonight, which means I’ll have time to give the kids a bath. Oh, speaking of which, the bathtub’s getting a bit dirty, I should use a Lysol wipe before I put them in the tub. That reminds me, I should put Lysol wipes on the grocery list, because we’re almost out. Another thing to put on the list: steak. Because this steak is divine!

Man: Delicious steak. Delicious steak. Delicious steak.

I tried explaining it to my husband that way, and he laughed a long time, because he literally could not follow along after I got to the bathtub. It seems reasonable to conclude that it starts early in boys, since I can already see the single-mindedness of the kiddos. With Biggest, it’s things like the juice. It’s gone, and he can’t figure out what to do about it, and so he gets stuck on the fact that it’s gone, instead of continuing to eat his dinner and drink the water provided instead.

No juice. No juice. No juice.

With Littlest, he will go to the ends of the earth (translation: dining room) if he wants a Cheerio. He will literally roll around the floor, ignoring everything except the cheerio, until he finds the one he wants.

Cheerio. Cheerio. Where’s the cheerio?

Once I figure out how to communicate in something resembling that single-mindedness, we’ll be golden. I think. I just have to figure out how single to go. Considering the last time I tried, it was still too multipurpose to be understood, it may take more time than I thought.

In Littlest news, Littlest finally is sitting up by himself. He’s also doing the worm, meaning he pushes himself up as far as he can, swings his legs around to the front of him, drops down and rolls over, and does it again. He’s gotten a lot faster, and squirted around to the middle of the kitchen from our entertainment stand in 30 seconds flat. He’s also using multiple words, such as “all done”, “bed”, “yes”, and strangely, “lishus”. Despite being slow in the major motor skills, which I blame on too much time in the bouncer, he’s working up some serious momentum now! The other day I just about fell off my chair though, he was having a hard time sleeping, and I felt like hanging on to him for a little while, so I was patting his bum like always, and he looks up at me, and says “bed”. Seriously startled, I ask him “bed, yes?”. That’s how he says please right now. And he responded with the biggest smile, and out came the “es”. So I put him in his crib, he gave me another smile, stuck his thumb in his mouth, and promptly fell asleep. Stranger things rarely happen, I tell you.

In Biggest news, Biggest is developing very well in the communication category, and is now using big words such as “unfortunately”. Unfortunately (pardon the pun), he’s also discovered arguing. He’s also done away with the “____ GONE!” dramatics, and is now discovering complex emotions such as disappointment. To which he responds with equally hilarious dramatic flair: “Ohhh… I can’t. I’m crying.”, especially if it’s something he doesn’t particularly feel like doing. The best one yet, though, was the other day, when I asked him to correct his attitude.

Me: Sit on your bum and fix your attitude, please.

Biggest: I can’t sit down, I’m crying. (no tears)

Me: Ok, stand up then. But you still need to fix your attitude. (I’m curious now, and seeing how far this will go, normally he wouldn’t get a choice.)

Biggest: I can’t stand up, I’m crying! (no tears)

Me: Ok, lay down then and calm yourself. (trying very hard to keep my laughter out of my voice.)

Biggest: (eyes as wide as saucers) I HAVE TO NAP??? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (lots of tears)

Me: silent (I had to leave the room before I burst out laughing)

Excuse me while I stop laughing just from the memory. I have no idea what was going on in his head, but from my point of view, there was nothing left but laying down, since levitating is unfortunately out of the question.

And with that, it is lunch time over here, and I still have to figure out what the main course is. Cheers!

The Handler.

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