Help! There’s A Germ On The Floor And It’s Laughing At Me.


Remember that whole flu bug thing? Yeah, it’s still ongoing. And I’m getting pretty annoyed with it, as if my multiple postings on the subject haven’t been enough to convince you of that already. I discovered, to my dismay, that it gets better. It’s a whopping three flu bugs that are going around, and I happen to be one of the very lucky few to have gotten all three at the same time. This perpetrates a useless cycle of recovering from one, and getting the other one again because my immune system is exhausted from the previous one. Repeat ad nauseum. I’m considering a disinfect of the entire house, except, of course, that would be impossible. Lysol wipes do not penetrate carpet fibers. Not to mention, with the aforementioned luck, that .01% of germs it doesn’t kill would be the bad ones that would reproduce all over my nicely disinfected house, probably laughing evilly the entire time. Oh? You didn’t know bad bacteria have evil cackles? Consider yourself informed. It’s just difficult to hear them amidst the sneezing, coughing and snuffling. If you should manage complete silence while they still live, though, you can hear them.

In amidst the laughing bacteria, the coughing, the sneezing, and the snuffling, I made the unfortunate discovery that the house must go on. Meaning the laundry still has to be hauled down the stairs, while avoiding the neighbors because they’d probably scream and run in terror from the simple sight of me. And the dishes still have to be done, because the last thing I want is for them to climb out of the sink by themselves and join the evil chorus. And dinner still has to be cooked, mainly because I need sustenance if my Knights of the White Blood Cells are to do any driving back of the dissidents.

 I decided the other day that I would go out in the sunshine anyway, if only to improve my mental state. I’m beginning to feel a little bit like I’ve got a bunch of barbarians running around, and the potential to be tied up and eaten for dinner is seeming likelier by the day. If, of course, they stop screaming long enough to put me in a cookpot. I get it, we’re all restless. It’s been longer than I care to recall since we’ve all been well, we’re running out of Tylenol, cough syrup, and cold medication, and quite frankly, I don’t want to use any more anyway. It’s not like it’s doing anything, and our alliance seems to be wearing a bit thin. Perhaps it’s better for us to go our separate ways for now. Much to my dismay, the sunshine did little to help the problem, as we returned in worse physical shape than when we started. If it’s attrition that my nemesis is using, I think it may be starting to turn in their favor.

But I’ll be strong! I’m stubborn. *cough* Oops. Sorry. I can win this thing! *hack* Is that a tiny hand come to take me to the pot? I better check. Oh, it’s not, but I think I hear the brewing of a monster tantrum. I better go. If no one hears from me, wait 24 hours and send a search party. Preferably with honey, Tylenol, and cold medication. Oh, and something that doesn’t resemble a noodle. I’ve seen enough noodles. I’ll get these buggers!

The Handler.

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