10 Reasons I Dislike Parties

People, it’s time for another admission.

I. Do not. Under any circumstances. Like birthday parties.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the company. It’s just the whole crappy shebang.

Reason #1: Trying to remember who all is coming and who all got invited while simultaneously crossing your fingers that no one got forgotten, and if they did, that they’ll forgive you if there’s enough adorable pictures.

Reason #2: Making sure that the house is reasonably presentable despite having two small children running around playing with everything you just put away, followed by tantrums when you attempt to explain the procedure, and the inevitable realization that it’s not a battle worth fighting.

Reason #3: The unfortunate discovery that everyone is coming to see one person in particular, and having attitudes after the “It’s all about me” bubble bursts, then attempting to explain the size of the world to a two year old to put it into perspective.

Reason #4: Singing the Happy Birthday song to unwilling participants awkwardly.

Reason #5: Keeping the unwilling participants away from the flame(s).

Reason #6: Eating a sinfully delicious cake while knowing that something is going to go down in about 15 minutes, and after it’s all said and done, you are probably going to be cleaning up blue poop for at least 48 hours, all the while remember that naive person you used to be, who thought to make her first child’s first birthday cake something healthy to prevent the crash.

Reason #7: Almost forgetting to charge the camera battery, and having a hernia because it already happened to you once, which is why you have no pictures of the first child’s first birthday. (Followed by inexplicable relief at belatedly remember that you asked your husband to do it earlier, and he doesn’t suffer from Mommy brain, so it actually got done.)

Reason #8: Trying to explain to the two year old that he has to wait for his brother to open the gifts, and however cool they may look, they’re not his.

Reason #9: Clean up. Enough said.

Reason #10: Bedtime. Enough said.

I promise it wasn’t actually that bad, however, we have separate quiet times going on at the moment for both Biggest and Littlest because they are both excessively crabby and sugar coma hung over. It’s been an awful lot of “OH HE BROKE IT!” (Biggest) and *roll poke kick* (Littlest), followed by screaming and/or crying on both ends. Despite that though, it was a success, although trying to actually plan it leaves me with mixed feelings about future parties, but that’s another story. I’m going to leave you with a rare pictures about just how much Littlest liked his first taste of icing.

The Handler.


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