$17 Salt Spray

Before you read, there’s two rules you need to be aware of for this update.

1. Laugh as hard as you want at my predicament.

2. If you have also been in a similar situation, please leave a comment so I don’t feel like the only easily fooled person on the planet.

Alright, how to start. It’s a bit of an interwoven mess, to be honest. Kind of like me. (ha!) Here goes.

– I am a girl in a house full of boys.

– I used to be a tomboy, but have embraced my feminine side as a result of the seemingly endless supply of testosterone coursing through my house.

– I like getting dolled up, particularly when it comes to doing my hair.

– I’m also practical, so I stick with things that will give me the result/effect I desire with minimal work.

– I dislike spending money, so if I can get a more-expensive-but-practical product that does everything I want it to, I’ll get it over multiple cheaper alternatives.

You got all that? Good, keep it in mind while I tell you this story.

I went and got my hair cut on Saturday, and despite promising myself that I was not going to buy anything at the salon, I bought something anyway. Before I went, I made a mental list of what I needed, since the only thing I had at home was a crappy store brand goop-tacular gel, a hairbrush, and a ton of hair elastics. Obviously, none of those was going to work, because I was chopping my hair off to chin length, and well, let’s face it, chin length does not go in a ponytail. While I was getting de-shagged, I had a conversation with my hair stylist, and she suggested a flat iron, a heat sealing spray, and a beach spray for the days I didn’t want to flat iron. Having to choose was tough, since I liked all the options, but I could only afford to go one way. At some point, she mentioned that the beach spray could be sprayed on when my hair was still wet, and I could walk away.


I made a mental note to pick up a flat iron when I could afford it next, and she showed me to their selection of beach sprays. Not realizing that I had broken my promise to myself, I bought that $17 spray, thrilled to death that I could shower, spray, and leave, the end result being that I could feel like a girl with minimal effort. In fact, that might even give me a chance to do makeup before Biggest was aware of what I was doing and demand that I put eyeliner on his face too. That’s how it went in my head, and I happily bought the $17 salt spray, put it in my bag, and walked out the door.

Next time, I’m stapling a Post-it to my forehead.

Halfway home, I realized, much to my dismay, that my promise was broken. I think it may have been after I found a clearance hair straightener for $15 and the heat sealing spray for another $3, also on clearance. That came to $18 if you didn’t feel like doing the math. I… had to put it back. I couldn’t afford it, not after the $17 spray.

Still optimistic, I went home, put my $17 spray on the counter, and went to bed. I tried it out the next day after my shower. The only word to describe what happened next is… *poof*. Apparently, my hair responds exceptionally well to salt spray, because the waves that followed almost made me seasick. Yep, that’s me, a seasick poodle. With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I thought perhaps I hadn’t put enough in. With a further drop occuring in my stomach, I realized that if I hadn’t put enough in, I was going to use way more of this $17 spray than I wanted to in one go. The idea was for it to last a while, since it was, after all, $17 salt spray.

Determined to get my money’s worth, I used more the next day. Success! Definitely a tamer version of the seasick poodle, I was satisfied. Until I looked in the mirror 2 hours later and realized that it didn’t hold. *poof* At this point, my optimism was fading into serious concern, especially since that was the only thing I had to do my hair with.

Leave my hair with nothing in it: *poof*

Use my $17 spray: *poof*

It wasn’t going to matter what I did, which meant that I should have bought the flatiron. Which brings us to now. I have a list as long as my arm of the things I need to maintain my haircut. Please note: I still love the cut, and I have no problem taking the time to do it properly, it’s just that I didn’t realize it would take so many products.
In order to do it properly, I need..

– better shampoo and conditioner. Crappy stuff makes the poof worse. $20

– a flatiron. $30 – $60

– heat sealing spray. $10 – $15

– a blow dryer. $30 – $60

– some type of hairspray or mousse to hold whatever style I put it in. $5 – $10

– salt spray. FREE

Don’t worry if you have to look again, that last one definitely said free. Know why? I was explaining my sob story to a mommy friend of mine, and she started laughing. Once she was done, she told me of an easy homemade recipe for the salt spray that worked at least as well as the ones you buy from the store. In the meantime, I’m pretty sure that if I want the salt spray to work by itself, I’m going to have to dump half of that tiny bottle on my head so it’ll stay. And, knowing me, rather than cutting my losses and buying something that will work, I’m going to use every last ounce. After all, I did pay $17 for it.

I should have bought the flatiron.

The Handler.

PS: My mom rescued for the time being with her $2 hairspray that works at least as well as my over-priced ocean water…


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