The Stall and The Thinking Chair Have A Party


Folks, we have become victims of The Stall. The Stall is characterized by frequent urination, phantom diarrhea, excessive thirst, and a profound number of nightmares and things that go bump in the night. Other signs include an immense amount of sudden specificity when it comes to certain things that require doing, as well as a sudden intense love of things otherwise hated.

Situation #1: Subject experiences a sudden need to thoroughly clean hands via a long washing session at the pre-nap pee. Cause: The Stall.

Situation #2: Where a once-a-day poop has been the previous norm, subject now suddenly find himself/herself needing to poop at nap, bedtime, quiet time, and potentially in the middle of the night. Once on the potty, subject has a change of heart, and decides that the urge to poop has simply vanished. Often, the subject may experience extreme agitation as well as memory loss, specifically when recalling the initial poop request. Cause: The Stall.

Situation #3: Mental blocks occur as to whether or not subject has been the recipient of affection. Short term memory loss is inevitable, and multiple hugs and/or kisses may be requested. Subject may become violent and/or vocal if denied. Cause: The Stall.

Situation #4: Subject insists on multiple glasses of water, which is generally followed by multiple requests to pee. Evidence suggests that deliberate imbibing may be possible, and handlers are cautioned to limit liquid intake to ensure that this Situation is clear. The Stall can be mistaken due to inefficient precautions, yet the situation is caused by The Stall with certainty.

 

Now that you have been made aware of such a dangerous and persistent phenomenon, we’ve recently introduced The Thinking Chair. At least, my version of it. My Biggest Gnome has inherited my stubborn streak, as well as my husband’s. Dare I say it, he may be more stubborn than I was at that age, and I should note, my stubbornness is almost impossible to top. As a result, our timeouts have been upgraded to include a second level.

 

Level 1: Timed. Subject is required to sit with hands in lap in silence until the timer goes. This level occurs in our comfy time out chair, and is intended to calm the subject down.

Level 2: Untimed. Subject is required to sit in the Thinking Chair. Subject may wiggle and talk, but will sit there until The Handler considers the lesson to have been learned. Only for extreme cases.

 

We had to use the Thinking Chair this morning. Biggest had a bad night last night due to The Stall, and spent three hours between midnight and 3am conjuring up poop, hug, and water requests. As a result, this morning was riddled with snotty and/or rude behavior. At some point I had enough, and into the Thinking Chair he went. I’m pretty sure he learned his lesson, and the Thinking Chair earned it’s place in my disciplinary repertoire.

Now if you’ll excuse me, they’re finally in bed at a reasonable hour, and I intend on finishing that darn level of Fire Emblem that I can’t seem to get past. Maybe next time I play it I’ll think my character levels out a little better. Have a great weekend!

The Handler

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