I Braved Playgroup and Biggest Peed On A Bush

Now that I’ve got your attention, especially after yesterday’s sob story, I’d like to inform you that my “experiment” has successfully and significantly surpassed all of my expectations. As part of my report, I would also like to inform you that my son is kickass. True story. Funny what a little step back does for a child’s will to please. *cough*idiotforamother*cough* Night and day difference.

Anyway. I grabbed your attention for another purpose. Today was awesome! As part of the solution to my predicament, I joined a playgroup. I’ll admit, I was nervous. I don’t do well in social situations, and other Mommies usually make me nervous. Nevertheless, I put my nerves aside in favor of Biggest enjoying some much needed peer interaction. The only group I found that would take both Biggest and Littlest into consideration met at 10:00 this morning. While early for our usual endeavors, I was optimistic. I had it all planned out. We’d eat before we left, enjoy our walk to the school where it was being held, catch a bus afterwards and meet Auntie R. and Auntie W. at Stuff Mart Jr. I figured I’d let him pick out a Matchbox car for a reward if he behaved himself, and we’d catch the bus home.

As always, it didn’t work out quite that way. Oh, the first part did, we got out the door with very little fuss. We made it right on time, and to my (sad, I know) surprise, Biggest did excellent. I assumed he’d be shy and non-interactive, but he was the complete opposite. He warmed up after about 10 minutes, took the whole thing in, and settled down. I surprised myself too, and fit in nicely with a couple of the other Mommies. When it was time to send the kids off to play, so the Mommies could enjoy the guest speaker present, Biggest happily let me leave. After the half hour was up, I was informed that Biggest shared well, was easily directed, and had my Mommy heart fluffed up considerably. We made the bus, and made Stuff Mart Jr. easily enough.

What happened next was completely mind-boggling, and it had nothing to do with trying to use a public washroom while attached to a baby in a carrier. I promise.

First, let me say that Biggest earned his $12 truck. Normally, it’s a $2 option and that’s that, but I’ve been looking at the special Hot Wheels tractor trailer trucks, and since I was already feeling expansive thanks to Biggest’s performance at the play group, I got it for him anyway. He’s in love by the way, so much so that he pretty much slept with it.

We missed the bus by 10 minutes. I didn’t bring the buggy because I was planning on taking the bus home. No biggie, I’ll just get my schedule out and… Oh. The next bus is an hour and a half and I’m pretty sure we are not going to survive that. Oh! I know, we’ll walk over to Grammy’s. It’s a bit of a walk, but we can stop there for a rest and carry on home. I’ll simply go slow, because he’s tired. A few juice breaks later (thank heavens I had enough Mommy sense to pack snacks), we made it to Grammy’s. We’re definitely tired, because we’ve been walking for a half an hour. No Grammy. I figured that even if she wasn’t home, we’d let ourselves in to use the washroom at least. Be aware that Biggest insisted that he didn’t need to pee when we were at Stuff Mart Jr. and has had a lot of juice to get us to Grammy’s. We turned around and left. Yes, folks, whatever Mommy sense I used to pack snacks got taken away from pee awareness. Oops. We got about a third of the way home after our quick stopover, and Biggest has to pee. Crap. We definitely don’t have enough juice or energy remaining to go back to Grammy’s, pee, and come back. So we troop on. Biggest is definitely getting tired. We take a quieter route with a path, and have the rest of our juice. We also try our new favorite crackers: Strawberry Mum-Mum’s, the toddler version. Halfway down the path, Biggest can’t hold it anymore. Rather than peeing himself, he does the obvious choice, that being crying. I take a furtive look around, there’s no one coming, so we duck into the bushes, and I figure out how to point boy parts, because Biggest can’t reach over his coat. Bottom line: incredibly awkward, and it’s a good thing I do not have a weiner, because I’m terrible at aiming. Also, I didn’t move our bags far enough away, so we got pee on them too. And by we, I mean I. Oh, I didn’t tell you? I shopped for the bus. If I’d known we were walking home, I would only have bought his truck. Only partially soaking wet, and delicately balancing our urine-sprayed shopping bags, we move on. It’s better than having the entirety of it on his pants anyway, right? We dragged ourselves the last couple of blocks, and it wasn’t until the last two that Biggest’s attitude started to melt down. Considering we had to walk a total of an hour and a half to get home, my pants need to be adjusted, because I’m darn proud of that kid. We had an issue with the stairs, because both of us were a bit rubbery, but a bath for Biggest (with his new truck and Toy Story bubbles) and a sit for me, and we’re both right as rain. No further incidents or attitudes, even without a nap, even during our bedtime routine.

Note to self: next time, we get some takeout and wait for the bus. It passed us two blocks from home. I learned a valuable lesson with my boy though, so I think it was worth it. I’m going to leave you with a satisfied grin and a truck that was earned 40 times over.



Way to go Big Guy!

The Handler.


Oh? What’s that? You wanted to know about Littlest? He hit the carrier after playgroup, blinked once, and passed out. Like, passed out with his mouth open, potentially drooling all over my jacket. He stayed that way for the entire trip.


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