Inter-Uterine Theft

You know,  I joke all the time about how my brain cells migrated through the uterine wall and that’s the real way baby brains develop. It basically translates to “they stole it”. But I’m realizing that’s not necessarily the only case for inter-uterine theft. They also stole my well developed and completely effective immune system. Well, really, it could also be my antibodies running in terror from child germs. Either scenario is equally possible.


But I digress. What that really translates to is that I got sick. Again.  This time, a 24 hour stomach virus.  Honestly, I don’t think there is anything worse than hugging a toilet bowl at 2am in the morning. Oops, I lied. There is one. After surviving the newborn stage, sleep is valued above all. So here’s the catch that makes it infinitely worse. Instead of trying to find the anti-nausea medication stuffed behind countless teething remedies and that one bottle of mostly expired cough syrup that you couldn’t take when you were pregnant, you find yourself counting the amount of sleep you’re losing. There it goes, gone. Just like your half digested dinner.

Oh, there was that other time where I went out, got myself a sitter, and tried my usual weekend thing when Biggest was about 3 months old. Nothing announces “never doing that again” like a screaming baby at 5 in the morning with a piercing headache that you must take full responsibility for. And unlike alarm clocks, that noise doesn’t have an off switch. (But you didn’t need to know that I was that silly.)


Anyway, that is where I found myself Saturday night. Hugging the toilet bowl, vaguely recalling a time where Saturday was the day you always visited the Porcelain Queen, and thank heavens you didn’t have to work in the morning. Oh, ignorance. This time, I only lamented my unfortunate and yet expected 6:30 wake up call, and shuddered at the clock while I was stumbling my way back to bed. I really don’t know what happened, to be honest. I was fine one minute, and my stomach was on fire the next. It burned for 2 hours, finally got myself comfortable and went to sleep. Funny thing about sleep, you tend to move around. So, at some point, I came out of the fetal position, woke up with another fire in my innards, and made for the loo. I think I may have gotten about 4 hours of sleep? Perhaps? Either way, we’ll just say that I spent a great deal of time on the floor snoozing when the kids got up. The fire didn’t go out until about 6:00 Sunday night.


I blame the children. I never used to get sick. But it appears that they absconded with my normally top-notch immunity. I get it. It’s ok. I’ve made peace with that. Just one question.


Why the stomach flu??

The Handler.


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