I’ll Raise You 8 Hours Of Silence

Motherhood: 75% I’m an idiot, 15% Just. Try. It. I. Dare. You. and 10% That’s adorable! *squee*


I have spent many moments this past week learning the art of poker. I realize that’s an odd choice of art, however, it is, at the very least, entertaining. It’s also much harder than I gave it credit for. I’m not brave enough to have a bankroll higher than $5, which I lost by the way, but I have repeatedly enjoyed what they term to be “freerolls”. “Freeroll” is a tournament where you may enter without buying in for a small guaranteed prize pool. They don’t generally play like the buy-ins do, as people throw free chips around much more easily than if they had paid for them. The site I play on has a freeroll every couple of hours, and I thought to myself

“Hey, since I like being on the computer, why not play? I might earn a little bit of money, instead of another crop of spring onions, and better yet, I’ll feel like I’m contributing!”

………… Not so much. While I have enjoyed the game, I haven’t gotten close to a paid seat, never mind actually winning anything. On top of that, playing hands in between:

“I have to pee again.”

“ba ba ba HEADPHONES” 

“Let’s annoy my brother by crawling as fast as I can toward his truck”, followed by “LIIIIITTTTLLLLLEEESSSST!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

“Mom… Can you get Littlest? He says he wants in the living room.” (I’m pretty sure he was just getting a kick out of you screaming NO! at him, and you no longer find it enjoyable, so you’re sending him back)

It’s, well, next to impossible. The closest I’ve come to accomplishing this ridiculous notion is after the kids go to bed. If, of course, I can get past the fuzzy blur that is the computer screen, and can remain alert long enough to raise a pair of aces, instead of folding what I think is a Queen/Four. They all look so similar when you’re squinting through the forgotten fingerprints on your glasses, and the sandy-eyed “after 7” feeling that never seems to take a leave of absence. In the meantime, the regulars probably enjoy my arrival, as they usually end up with most of my chips in a rather short amount of time.

What’s that? You want an extra set of free chips for your free tournament? Sure! Take mine! I’ll just be over here drooling on my keyboard. No, no! Really! I insist!

Maybe I’ll get better as the kids get older, but let’s face it, it’s probably going to be free chips for everyone else for at least another couple of years. I suppose I’ll just have to accept the fact that wiping snot, and cheering for a child who doesn’t want to eat his soup, and chasing a crawling child out of the bathroom right as he was about to eat a Q-Tip is contribution enough. Heck, I’m getting two adult gentlemen out of the deal, and really, that’s an accomplishment! Provided they survive my insistence on washing their hands after using the bathroom. That could be potentially devastating, you know, although it’s a close tie with insisting that wanting up because you’re upset because you don’t want to stay in bed because you’re crying about having to go to sleep because it’s dark outside is not a reason to get out of bed at 9:00pm. At least, not after having to pee three times and needing water twice. It’s getting kind of suspicious, kid.


Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish contributing to the great dishpile. Which is actually not that great, because I have done the dishes every night for the last week.

That is an accomplishment!

The Handler.


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