Shhhhh…


Just a short update today, as I’m currently hiding from the small hooligans traipsing around on the patio, and I’m not sure how much longer they’ll be unaware of my absence.

Hubby has now got the stomach flu too, and I have cleaned up more than my fair share of diapers, vomit, poop, pee, and whatever other bodily fluids go with a stomach bug. I slept in the hallway again last night, because I was afraid that sleeping in the same bed with my husband might finally put me over the edge. At which point, the whole house would fall apart, as I’m the only one keeping it from becoming a cesspool. I managed to sneak out last night to get milk, and raided the health aisle for Vitamin C. I bought oranges too. I can’t get this thing. I won’t. I refuse. You can refuse stomach bugs, can’t you? This was my ultimatum for it.

 

Attention Stomach Flu: I am aware that you are slowly advancing in my direction, and I understand you’ve made good on your threat to my platoon. However, as Captain Commander of the House, I wish to inform you that no surrender will be possible. Not only do I have the full armada behind me (you know, Vitamin C, Vitamin D, Honey, Ginger, Cinnamon, and Lemon), but I have also brought out my spray bottle of All Purpose Cleaner. I will defend myself with it, if necessary, and plans have been put into action to remove your infiltration from my land. Consider yourself informed.

 

Pretty intimidating, right? I continue my cleaning, in between Vitamin C lozenges, and as of now, I only have the basic housework and a couple of toys left. Mainly the blocks that keep getting chewed on, and the play food. The play food is self-explanatory though, as my children seem to think that gnawing on it like the real thing is better than a) pretending to eat it sanitarily, and b) eating the real thing. It figures that the plastic, off-gassing version of peas, beans, shrimp, and every other food known to mankind, would be more appetizing than whatever decked out version I’ve made. Speaking of which, my delicious menu for this week has gone down the drain because I didn’t feel like feeding it all to the toilet. On a positive note though, I won’t have to go grocery shopping. Yesterday we survived on crackers and perogies. No joke. Oh, and a Grande Hazelnut Macchiato from Starbucks for me. Did you know they have a new drizzle? I tried the Italian Roast drizzle on top of my coffee instead of the Hazelnut, and by golly it was delicious. Another random thought, why is it that every time I go grocery shopping completely alone, I end up buying all the heavy stuff? It happens all the time, but I swear, my bag yesterday was 40lbs. Granted, I had to carry milk and bananas, but oranges and yogurt are heavier than they appear too. So is Gatorade.

 

I appear to have underestimated the sneakiness of my withdrawal, because the children still haven’t noticed, and I’m out of interesting news. Wish me luck on the whole “don’t get the stomach bug” thing. Also, before I forget, if you haven’t yet, please take the time to subscribe to updates via email, if you’re following the happenings. Facebook is becoming unreliable in who sees my posts, unless I pay for advertising. But of course, that would be silly, since I can’t even buy a domain name. (Something about the inability to diaper a child with a domain name, it doesn’t hold poop very well). Anyway, I’m still posting links, but you’ll have more consistent luck with the email updates. It’s the box titled “Gnomes In Your Inbox”. Really, who wouldn’t want Gnomes in your inbox? Just make sure they don’t get into your junk folder, they are pretty mischievous.

 

The Handler.

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