Hot Off The Press!


If hot off the press actually meant today, that would be a complete lie, as my story tonight happened 4 (I think??) days ago.

 

First, I would like to mention that Littlest being out of his crib has been somewhat more of a tribulation than I had expected. With Biggest, it didn’t take very long, and was relatively simple. With two small children sharing the same room, though, it’s another story altogether.

Biggest wants to sleep. Littlest says “HA!” and climbs up to Biggest’s bed, removing any chance of drifting off.

Littlest wants to sleep, Biggest pulls Littlest’s mattress until he falls off it, and promptly hides the entire thing under his bed. I have no idea what the thought process is, but I don’t think it’s quite as simple as “HA!”. Or maybe it is…

On top of that, we have the usual “playing after lights out” business, the “I shoved Littlest off the bed” shenanigans, and the “I’m not sleepy so I’m going to ask you for everything under the sun” happenings. Even better, it’s hot as a Fiffer-Feffer-Eff outside, and being three floors up, we not only have the standard heatwave heat, but we also have everyone else’s heatwave heat coming through the floor. Really, it’s a sauna, and it stays that way until about 10:30. At which point, the children actually fall asleep.

The real problem, though, is the final challenge, and that is the fact that Littlest now follows Biggest out of the room when he opens the door to get me in the morning. Meaning that I’ve had all sorts of surprises because I forgot that Littlest could get into stuff now.

 

So. That all being said, I called home from work on my lunch break, and this is what my husband filled me in on.

 

Step 1: Push baby gate over with sheer force.

Step 2: Realize freedom, allow baby brother to join in the freedom.

Step 3: Decide that freedom means more than extra floor space, and look through Auntie’s purse.

Step 4: Find Auntie’s non-washable artist quinacridone red acrylic paint that she brought over from Grammy’s to use on her wedding invitations.

Step 5: Add intrigue plus boredom and get “open tube”.

Step 6: Paint wall.

Step 7: Paint linoleum under wall.

Step 8: Paint carpet next to linoleum under wall.

Step 9: Paint self.

Step 10: Paint brother after realizing that it would make the entire effort of having small brother follow-out-the-door-because-he’s-no-longer-in-a-crib worthwhile.

Step 11: Further your efforts by moving to the couch and painting it too.

Step 12: Add bonus points to your tally by painting both the Xbox One and Uncle T.’s laptop.

Step 13: Get caught.

 

Guess what? Artist’s Acrylic doesn’t come out  Especially not when it’s dry. Guess what else? Knowing an artist saves much bacon. I spent half an hour scrubbing three spots on the lino, my sister managed to reduce the smear on the carpet significantly, and I’m trying not to look at the wall and couch. My husband’s priority was the electronics, so those actually did come clean.

 

Note to self: double gates, or tucking the baby gate inside the door frame instead of out  may be a thought for the future.

 

The Handler.

 

PS: I forgot, the kiddos were clean by the end of it too. Just in case you thought they were wandering around with bright red smears (that looked ridiculously close to the color of nightmarish wounds, at least when painted on children. The color on paper is lovely.)… They weren’t.

 

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