10 Things I Never Thought I Would Have To Explain

It has occurred to me that parenting is only going to get more exciting as time goes on. Also, slightly more disturbing, and definitely more disgusting.

For instance: things I never thought I’d have to say or explain.

1. Why we don’t leave boogers on the apartment railing for other people to find. (OMG *barf* and true story…)

2. Why boogers stay in noses.

3. Why we don’t pick up other people’s garbage.

4. Why we don’t ask other people about their bowel functions.

5. Why we don’t describe our own bowel functions in great detail. (Seriously, who wants to know that your poop looks like an eyeball?)

6. Why we don’t ask about other people’s penises (penii?). Or lady parts for that matter.

7. Why we don’t say “I hate your food” to people directly without trying it first (although really, in general there are many politer ways of saying “I can’t eat this.”).

8. Why socks don’t belong in the toilet, and subsequently why we flush the toilet after we’re done with it. Also: Why we close the lid. (Littlest plays with toilet water if it’s open, and that alone is enough to send any mother into germaphobia.)

9. Why we don’t flop on the floor without at least observing that there is a) a wall corner behind us and b) blocks where our head would fall. (Ouch and ouch.) Observation is important in avoiding an additional headache.

10. Why bath water with bubbles in it is not going to kill you.

I have a hunch that this is more a boy thing than a girl thing, but let me know if I’m wrong… Anyone else have weird, strange, or highly unusual explanations they’ve had to give recently?

The Handler.


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