The Handler Is An Idiot.

When will I ever learn? My lastest fail is deciding that instead of taking 10lb bags of flour up three flights of stairs over the course of several months, a 50lb bag of flour over the same three flights would be less hassle.

Backing up a bit, today was errand day.

This was Biggest and Littlest’s first day back at childcare since the holidays, and started out promisingly enough. However, I should note that Biggest is showing a surprising amount of the same stubborn tendencies that lead me to haul flour, and insisted on having a tantrum in the middle of the cross walk next to an extremely large puddle (that reads small-lake, really…). While I manhandled him to a safer place for a time-out, I couldn’t help but mentally chuckle at his complete ignorance. By complete ignorance, I mean that the puddle was perfectly situated for the television-commercial style car-drives-through-puddle-and-leaves-pedestrian-muddy-and-soaked. And he had no idea how close he came to being that very person. Ironically his tantrum came from being cruelly dragged away from the innocent looking puddle, and I probably could have saved myself the hauling energy because had he been splashed, he would have had a tantrum anyway. And he probably would have been mentally scarred for life because I would have died laughing. At least I saved myself a muddy laundry load.


I had an excellent workout with my mother today, and ran about 4k. I also accomplished one of my cross training strength routines, and a 4k bike ride. (I am still wondering why on earth I was crazy enough to add “marathon running” to my insanely busy schedule.) I celebrated by gorging on sausage.

Moving on, my father graciously agreed (read: accepted copious bribery) to haul my arse around for all of my errands.

#1: Retrieve Littlest’s mattress. I am ashamed to admit that he has been sleeping on a pile of blankets for most of the fall due to my inability to realize that our crib mattress was incredibly uncomfortable when presented as a normal bed. (WAY too small, we removed it after the poor kid fell off of it thrice nightly for a week.) At least he enjoyed his mound. Upon receiving his mattress this evening though, the results were priceless.

Me: Littlest, that’s your bed!

Littlest: Oooooo. *walks to it* *pats it* *sits down on it* *lays down on it*

Clearly a happy child, and he’s currently ensconced in his blanket, passed out, and sprawled out over as much of the mattress as he’s capable of taking up.

#2: Go to the bank, acquire laundry money. Get worst employee ever.

#3: Move on to office supplies for husband. Discover that pen was left at home and there is literally an aisle full of look-alike ink refills. Find correct one after agonizing for 10 minutes.

#4: Bribe father with burger.

#5: Attempt to pay for our forgotten-for-three-years family pictures. Get lost. (Thank heavens my dad knows how to find stuff.) Finally find place, only to find out that it is closed. Figures.

#6: Arrive at Stuff Mart XL. Purchase aforementioned 50lb bag of flour, and a swack load of other things. It is Stuff Mart XL after all. Also realize that all the bad drivers seen on the way have descended on Stuff Mart XL with shopping carts instead of vehicles. Flee.

#7: Escape to Espressoville. Order a cappuccinno with an extra shot to soothe battered Stuff Mart nerves. Taste no coffee whatsoever, but not until entering Grocery Mart with a buggy in tow. Return for remake. Feel slightly better about remake until realizing that all the bad drivers with bad shopping carts have followed you to Grocery Mart. Mentally shed much tears.

#8: Run home as fast as humanly possible. Haul 50lb bag of flour, as well as all the other stuff acquired in an errand run that would easily make the top 10 list of Most Insane Errand Runs Ever Taken. Discover that so much stuff has been bought that it’s leaking out into the hallway and the front door cannot close.

#9: Put away groceries, clean out fridge after discover that an unknown source of contamination has exploded on all three shelves. Mentally suggest a weekly clean to self, knowing full well that while that resolution will temporarily make self feel better, it will be unlikely to be cleaned until something else explodes.

#10. Clean kitchen, make dinner.

And lastly… the true reason for insanity…

You would think that with all of the above having gone on, one would stay home with a glass of wine. But nooooo… this idiot (me) decides to go finish errands (which, in my defense, were all the fun ones), and on the trip…. ADD TWO EXTRA TRAINING RUNS. Seriously. I ran halfway to Stuff Mart III, and all the way back. WTF? Even I, having done all that, am sitting here wondering how the heck I come up with some of these “brilliant” ideas.

*shrug* There’s not a hope in heaven, earth, or any bleeping place in between for me.

Now if you’ll excuse me, the run home has killed my thighs, and I am now going to hobble my way to bed in the hopes that I’ll feel better when the kids wake me up at 6 tomorrow screaming for their cereal before hitting daycare a second day in a row.

The Handler.


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