My Kids Have Discovered Lip And I Might Have Run A 10K

I initially started this post with the idea that I would tell you all about my 10K last Sunday. But really, it was a lot cooler actually running it than explaining why I enjoyed melting slowly onto the pavement. There are three things you should know.

1. I was the only person to run the whole thing.

2. It was massively addictive.

3. The weather was a lot warmer than during my training runs.

BONUS: Water stations are so much less scary when you’re melting.


Moving on.

Lipyness: A term used to describe anything that comes out of a child’s mouth with defiant intent.

I have to say, lipyness pushes my buttons in so many ways. I find it appalling. Or embarassing, depending on the situation. Moreover, the amount of sheer nerve complicates things in that I find the creativity oddly impressive.

Ex 1: Biggest and Littlest are in the bath. I direct them to put away the bath toys.


Me: I didn’t a—


Me: Excu—


That’s right. He cut me off. He assumed that talking over me would give him the ability to play in the tub longer. He was mistaken.

Ex 2: I’m heading out to work. I say goodbye to my children. Littlest says a happy goodbye.

Biggest: But I want you to stay hooooooooooooooome… *pout*

Me: I know. But you get to come meet me today when I’m done!

Biggest: Fine. You can go and stay there ALL DAY!

To make matters even more interesting, we have officially uncovered the evolved form of I’m Crying. (See also: Gone.) Now, instead of _____ Gone, Biggest Crying, it’s now the opposite of whichever statement you’ve made that has displeased him. One day this kid is going to be an amazing actor I swear.

You want 5 books? Well you can have two. NO BOOKS, I don’t want ANY BOOKS. (Along with the appropriate shock that you actually stuck with what he just yelled, rather than giving him his original 5 book request.)

Alternatively, No _______, I don’t want ANY ________. It applies to a whole host of other situations.

Have to leave a friend’s house? We can come again next time! NO, I don’t want to come back EVER AGAIN. (This usually ends in profuse apologies to the friend in question, along with severe mortification on my part, as well as a healthy dose of what on earth am I supposed to say to that??)

When I’m not fielding drama from Biggest, I’m fielding mischief from Littlest. He is clearly my offspring, as he has a suspiciously familiar stubborn streak that is incredibly difficult to get around (I say this because my own stubborn streak acts kind of like the repelling side of a magnet and makes any solution fly far out of reach of any active thought patterns. I guess they protect their own, much to my dismay.)

Rather than giving me straight up tantrums, Littlest will cross his arms, put his head down, put his lip out, yell “NO”… and then look out of the corner of his eye at me and give me the tiniest satisfied-with-his-successful-inconvenience-to-myself grin. It’s infuriating.

And with that, I’m off to do other things. Thank you for your patience during my training. For some odd reason, trying to extend stamina while working a full time job and two BUSY boys… really doesn’t leave a lot of room for writing something coherent.

The Handler.


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