Biggest is a bargainer. He always has been, and likely always will be. Sometimes it’s adorable. Sometimes it’s down right infuriating. Like this morning, for instance.
Me: Biggest, you need to put on your new shoes.
Biggest: But I like these ones.
Me: Yes, but they’re sandals. It’s too cold for sandals.
Biggest: But these are my best. (That means favorite.)
Me: Look, I’m not arguing with you. You need to put on the other shoes.
Biggest: But, I don’t think it’s really that cold.
Me: Bud, they’re sandals. It’s too cold for sandals. You said you liked the other ones. We bought the other ones. Please put the other ones on.
Biggest: But these will be fine for the cold.
Me: … Look. I’ll tell you what. I will wash them and you can wear them for slippers. PLEASE put your shoes on.
Biggest: SLIPPERS! OK!
I kid you not, people. Despite saying I wasn’t going to argue, you have to understand that he stood there sounding incredibly logical, to the point where it caught me completely off guard. I couldn’t even think of a comeback. Honestly, he put his shoes on, but somehow it wound up with his shoes becoming slippers. And really, short of duct taping him to the floor and taking them off myself, I’m not entirely certain there was another way to get them off his feet.
Mind you, I seem to recall a pair of pink pants that my mother could NOT talk me out of. I guess everything comes back to you eventually… right? Here’s hoping that he doesn’t decide that his size 11 feet are going to stay in his size 10 shoes all winter…
The rest of today pretty much went exactly like that. By far that was the most memorable incident, but things like breakfast become “but we have Cheerios. And we have milk. So we CAN have Cheerios Mommy!”, right after I’ve mentioned we’re having oatmeal, not Cheerios. And things like watching cartoons become “but we can watch Busytown Mommy, it’s on Netflix!”. And “I don’t like carrots. But I did like carrots that one time! So I LOVE carrots!”. Yeah, that last one threw me for a loop. I’m pretty sure he was talking about the first time he tried carrots, but regardless, he says stuff like that all the time, and when it’s not driving me nuts, it makes my day because it’s too damn funny. Don’t tell him though or I will never be able to pull the “Don’t Bargain, This Is My MOM Voice” business.
It’s really making my ultra-brutal-honesty important. He won’t accept the usual “not today” anymore. He wants to know why. And ironically, the only thing to really get him to drop it is to be awful and say “Because I don’t want to deal with lactose poop more than twice this week, and since you guys leave the milk and three Cheerios in the bottom to become gross in three hours, I’m not doing it. When you can wash your own dish, then you can have that argument and get away with it.” Or, “Those shoes are driving me nuts because you’re wearing them with socks, and I’m having a hard time with the whole socks and sandals thing, and since it really is cold, I don’t want to hear about your cold feet for the next 30 minutes”. Or, “Busytown may live on Netflix but there’s only so many mystery songs I am willing to listen to in my head later, so you’re going to have to suck it and play with the awesome block pile that ALSO lives in the living room.” At which point, he says “Oh, Ok Mommy. Can we have bananas in our oatmeal?”. And while that is adorable, I also kinda wish that “not today” would still apply, even if I didn’t get the cute answer at the end..
And with that, I have to get some sleep before these kids wake up and start all over again..