Giving The Handler A Run For Her Money (Again).


It never fails. The first two weeks of a new semester, regardless of understanding or planning, are absolutely nightmarish. Just as a start, I’ve got a new session of pole fitness that’s kicking my ass (in a good way, but ouch!), a host of appointments that I had to reschedule from Christmas, and two busy boys who are growing like weeds (and thus challenging all of my limits). Not to mention my list of personal goals to improve on, and energy “stealers” such as remembering to make an appointment about enrolling Biggest in kindergarten for the fall. Side note: Kindergarten?? Instead of giving you my long list of overachieving perfectionistic goals for the next four months, I thought I’d give you a taste of the ways these gentlemen-in-training are trying me in the best of ways. In order of oldest to youngest….

Biggest is clearly ready for the next phase of his young life. He’s always been a negotiator but now he’s being a clever one. The other morning, he proceeded to ask me the same question six different ways to see if my answer would change. It didn’t, of course, but by the time he was done, I had to mentally applaud his efforts for the unbelievable grasp he has on creative adjective use. More infuriating (and yet a large part of my maternal pride) is his logic. How do you argue with a logical 4 year old? Most of his reasons for doing weird things sound so understandable that the only way I can safely put my foot down is to make up some dumb excuse like “Because I said so.” or “I said what I said and that’s that.” or even “I’ll consider it later.” and “That seems reasonable but not this time.” and “No. Just no.”. Furthermore, if I’m not careful, I find myself agreeing with him, which encourages him to continue trying. Add to this a budding sense of humor that may be sharper and dryer than both his parents combined… and it really is a full time job just to keep him on an appropriate track. Lastly, he’s caught himself a signature phrase of (in a really shrill voice)… “WHAT??”

For example:

We’re crossing the street. “WHAAAAT?? I thought this was the sidewalk??”.

We see a red truck. “WHAAAAT?? That’s the best color ever!”

We see the sky turn pink as the sun sets. “WHAAAAAAT?? I’ve never seen pink before!”

 

Moving on to Littlest, who’s currently resisting every effort to reduce our diaper budget via potty training. This kid is a boulder. Not a rock, a boulder. He’s willing to go at obvious times, such as waking up and going to bed. That being said, any time in between, and he bawls his tiny little eyeballs out.

I done Mommy! *sob* I don’t want to Mommy… *wail* Can I get off now… *whine* OH I DID IT MOMMY, LOOK MOMMY, ALL BY I-SELF! MELLOWS?? *ecstasy!*

This scenario is repeated throughout the day and made even more difficult by his insistence that we refer to the usual pee and poop by something else. Do you have any idea how hard it is to remember that Littlest is sure poop is what pee is called? And that he won’t respond to begging for actual poop unless it’s under the disguise of “yucky”. That’s right, folks. He doesn’t go pee and poop, he goes poop and yucky. If that didn’t make our day busy enough, he’s ensconced in the “mine” and “no” phases simultaneously. And… He is not phased by the countdown. He had the gall to grin at me mischievously as I got to two today. Surprisingly, despite me following up on three, he was genuinely shocked that his mischief got him into trouble. (Side note: This totally flashes me back to Jim Carrey in Dr. Suess’s How The Grinch Stole Christmas, when Cindy Lou interrupts him in the Grinch Cave and he throws a tantrum, tossing in the line “THE AUDACITY! THE UNMITIGATED GALL”. I think that’s uncannily close to how I mentally feel sometimes when dealing with this child. And… come to think of it, the other child too.)

ANYWAY! If you’ll excuse me, I’ve made it an entire hour past when they fell asleep, so I’m going to drown myself in a cup of bedtime tea and hit the hay. I’ve discovered that the only way to get a little peace in this utter chaos is to wake up before they do. 6:30am comes REALLY REALLY early.

The Handler.

PS: I learned how to knit today! GG-Ma’s an excellent teacher, and provided a brief respite from the insanity. Thanks GG-Ma!

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