Me Vs. Knitting

Knitting. Knitting is my 2016 goal. Odd perhaps for some, but for me, not so much. I was gifted a beautiful batch of knitting supplies about 2 years ago, and it has been in the back of my mind since. So this January, I decided that it was time to learn. As I mentioned at the very, very, very end (in the fine print) of my last post, I had the pleasure of learning my first stitches from my Grama, who is not only an exceptional knitter, but speedy also. In fact, she made it look easy. So, after an afternoon with her, I had learned a tiny sampling of the basics, enough for me to try at home.

Digressing for a moment, I am not a crafter. I have tried everything. Well, almost everything. Quilting? Not for me. Sewing? I know the basics, but it gives me a headache. Cross stitching? Can do, but it drives me nuts after about 5 minutes. Crocheting? Only if accompanied by enough brandy that I can’t see the yarn anymore. My sister and my mother are both artsy people with a natural talent for making beautiful things out of seemingly nothing, but not I. (I would say more of a “won’t” than a “can’t” thing.) However, as I’ve grown a bit more adultier this last couple of years, I’ve found myself wishing for a hobby that would be productive in the evenings without being obnoxiously intense. I’d like to be able to turn off my screen and relax with my husband before sleep time, and on my journey to locate such a beast, I’ve come across knitting.

It’s delightful! My lesson seemed easy enough. I took my ball of yarn home with joy in my non-crafty heart and hope for a conclusion to my search.

I waited a day before trying on my own at home. First, I’d like to tell you that I did not realize how many expletives I actually have in my vocabulary, and I will admit with much chagrin that I used every last one of them. And that was all in the first 5 minutes of trying to make the first row, and in that time, I also broke the yarn twice. Still haven’t figured out that part. In the subsequent 30 minutes I used a bunch more expletives, and managed to get 4 rows done. They’re beautiful. The state I was in once I was finished that half hour was not beautiful. I believe I have found the perfect body sculpting solution, for I was covered head to toe in sweat. I had to peel my jeans off. My back was dripping to the point of being itchy, my hair was plastered to my face, and thank heavens I didn’t wear makeup. Furthermore, my needles were both slippery and sticky. My hands were cramping and clammy. The yarn was sweaty too, and therefore did not move. EVER. It is quite difficult to stitch with yarn that’s glued to your fingers. And even harder when it sticks to the other hand trying to untangle it. And since it wasn’t moving properly, my rugged and clumsy attempts to get some motion going resulted in yarn going everywhere. Please forgive my terrible drawing but I feel as though you all need a visual.

yarn problems

Now I know you’re all probably thinking two things right now. A)What the expletive is with her drawing?? and B) knitting is clearly not for her.

The answer to A is a reference to my earlier statement of not crafty whatsoever. This includes drawings. I preferred coloring something that was already drawn as a child, and it’s quite evident that I did not pursue improvement to my own ability to make shapes as an adult.

As for B… Well… I don’t know if it was the sheer determination to make those needles do my bidding, but I was euphoric at completing those 4 rows and will be returning for another try. I’m totally hooked. Perhaps that’s due to the punishment and subsequent sweating I already weirdly enjoy when I’m physically running, but the totally brutal pseudo-defeat at the hands of a pair of plastic knitting needles leaves me wanting more. I am, however, hoping that my next 4 rows don’t require showering afterwards.

I believe I have found my crafting outlet. And I doubt most people would say this, but it is the sweatiest, most endorphin inducing artistic endeavour I’ve ever tried. I must have more!

Until next time,

The Handler.


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