I’ve tried retyping this update three separate ways and it really isn’t reading right. So, I’m going to forego the fourth time, and what you get is what you get.

I’ve had a rough week. Change is coming for our family in so many ways, and I dread it. The biggest change is in the form of Biggest. Biggest is going to school in the fall. I’m on the fence about how I feel on the subject. On the one hand, I continuously enjoy watching my children grow up. I’m probably the odd one out, but up til now, I haven’t missed a phase. Every stage has had its enjoyable pros and its less enjoyable cons. And with the passing of a stage came the excitement of the next. So here we come to Kindergarten. I’m so excited for Biggest. He’s going to do great. He’s going to make new friends, and learn about his world in a way that I can’t even begin to explain to him. And yet, I feel a little bit bad that I’m excited. I hear about moms who are excited to have their alone time back. That’s not me. I hear about moms who are miserable at losing their little ones to the clutches of big-kid-hood. Not me either. It’s just.. the next stage. Except…  a tiny part of me is sad. And maybe it’s social pressure, but I feel like this is the end as I know it and I better pack this summer full to the brim. And yet…

My husband might have a job this summer. One in his field. This is a huge deal! I’m so excited for him too. And he may not get it still, but if he does, it’s a huge change too. Two full time jobs make looking after children much more difficult. Non-family childcare scares the literal shiz out of me. Having to trust someone I’m not innately familiar with is terrifying. And that makes me think of after school care and…


I should just let this all go. But sometimes, it’s just not that easy. So, good night for now.

The Handler.


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