Breakfast With The Gnomes


I have a theory. Time only flies faster as an adult. As a kid, time takes forever, unless it’s bedtime. If it’s bedtime, you blink and you’re in pajamas. You know what time takes the longest “forever”? Snack time. Truth be told (according to Biggest and Littlest both)… I never feed them. I lock them in a time continuum vortex thingy, and snack time NEVER comes. (My only other theory is that they’re hobbits.)

This is usually how the morning goes:

Once they wake up….

Biggest: Can I *sigh* have some *sigh* Cheerios…

Littlest: I like some Cheerios, Mommy…

NO hello.

NO Good morning Mommy! How are you Mommy?? I hope you slept well Mommy!

And most infuriatingly… NO PLEASE!

And once I wrangle some manners out of them…

Biggest (not full): MOMMMMMMM! Littlest is chewing with his mouth open!!! *sigh*

Littlest (not full): MOMMMMMM! Biggest is looking at me….

And once they finally finish their Cheerios… 

Biggest and Littlest are much improved regarding their moods.

10 minutes later (sometimes 7 minutes)…

Biggest: Is it snack time yet?

Littlest: Can I have a snaaaaaack?

Me: You’ve just eaten. You need to let it settle*.  *That means “You just inhaled a bowl of Cheerios while simultaneously acting like the world was going to end. LEAVE ME ALONE WITH MY COFFEE, I refuse to let you be hungry for at least another 20 minutes (if I’m lucky).”

Biggest and Littlest: But I diiiiiid!!!!

Me: I will be making another breakfast (yes, I actually say that) in half an hour, you can go play until then*. *That means “You’ve got to be kidding me. I JUST NEED A MOMENT WITH MY CAFFEINE. Come back later. Mommy is AFK (That means Away From Keyboard.) I am bribing you with the tantalizing thought of toast and eggs or whatever else I scrounge up, please let it be enough to see the bottom of my coffee while it’s still warm.”

Spurred on by the thought of a second, better breakfast, they are happy.

15 minutes later (sometimes 10 minutes)…

Biggest and Littlest: Is BREAKFAST READY YET????

Me: ……….

 

It really just devolves from there.

I shudder to think of how this continues in 10 years.

On another note, Mr. Handler and I have successfully completed almost a full week of nightly yoga. It makes mornings easier for me, and fills the gap that the lack of pole fitness left. And now, it’s time for me to go to sleep.

Good night,

Mrs. Handler.

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