The Realest Reason.

Did you know? Realest is totally a word. And since English has that unique ability to absorb exceptions to exceptions of the general rules that the language follows… I’m not even actually wrong.

We’re down to just over a month before school starts, and thus far, I’ve convinced myself that I do not have an issue with Biggest going to kindergarten. I’m still not really convinced, honestly. However, I will admit to you today that I have anxiety towards the general subject. And I have proof. Behold, the photo below.


Now for the random statistics that need to accompany this picture, in order for you to understand why it is proof.

  • Researched the quality of this hot lunch container for THREE MONTHS
  • It holds enough food to feed a grown man.
  • It’s almost too big for me to open.
  • I paid $50 for it.
  • It is a bucket.
  • I will have to make fresh hot food anytime I send Biggest to school with it.
  • It will probably get lost in a week.
  • I paid $50 for it.
  • It is a bucket.
  • Biggest actually can’t open it. I checked.

If I did not have anxiety about this situation, would I really have bought a $50 steel bucket that my son can’t open and will probably lose so that I can make a hot lunch for him that I have never, ever, ever, ever made before?

Probably not.

Therefore, we must conclude that I have restricted my anxiety to finding the best possible equipment for him to take to his first year of school. It should be noted that I did find a really nice lunchbox for him to take to school this year. It’s called a Yumbox, and I want one too. However, while I don’t consider it too excessive to buy him a new lunchbox for kindergarten, I do find a $50 steel bucket a little much. Which is why, this week, I have had to rewrite my whole school list and start again from square one.

Does he need a teenage sized backpack for his two exercise books? Probably not.

Does he need a new lunchbox to put his lunchbox in? Probably not.

Does he need to take tea to kindergarten? Probably not.


Will he enjoy tea with me on Saturday mornings? Quite likely.

Will he enjoy our walk to school? Most definitely.

Is he going to be happy for whatever lunch I make him? Maybe, maybe not. Depends on the day. (And probably always will.)


I have packed my nerves into a little $50 steel bucket. I am not going to ruin him for not having a hot lunch twice a week. I will be his mother even after he’s 25, nevermind when he goes to kindergarten. I don’t need to be nervous if he has to tell his school stories to someone besides me because I’m working. He will grow up close to his dad, and his mom, and his brother, and his grammy, and his pappy, and his other pappy, and the list goes on. I will see him less, and that makes me a little more contemplative than I anticipated, but not so much as I feared. I am not a “stay little forever” kind of mother, and I never will be. I’m always a little thoughtful as we pass to the next stage, but my thoughtfulness is dwarfed by my imagination going wild with what he will become. And thoughtful is ok, but it doesn’t have to be sad. If I do this right, I’ll have a friend for life when he’s all grown up. And that’s really all that matters. More importantly, a $50 bucket isn’t necessary for achieving my goal.


Which is good, because the $50 I’m getting back from returning that darn bucket is going directly to pants; he has outgrown 4 pairs in the last month.

Interestingly enough, this next stage is going to be a lot harder for Littlest. He doesn’t like to play alone…


Mrs. Handler.



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