ONE. TWO. THREE… FART!


So, this past weekend was our first family trip with just the four of us. It was… interesting. Fun, of course, but… interesting. Much to my dismay, I continue to find myself surprised by how much whining can accommodate such a delightful excursion. So many things to see and do, like…

Boats. So many boats.

And airplanes. That take off from the ocean!

And the fact that our hotel room was on the NINTH floor. What a view!

And elegators. (That’s Littlest speak for elevators.)

And moving stairs.

And fountains! Big fountains!

And big buildings.

And big two-storey buses.

And the hotel pool!

And Auntie Wootsie’s house!

And CAR RIDES.

 

Alas, that was not the thinking of a three year old and a five year old.

“Moooom… (2 minutes outside of our home city.) That’s going to be loooong. When does the road end?” – Biggest

“(two trucks in) I can’t see any cool trucks Mom!!!!!!” – Littlest

“CAN I HAVE ANOTHER COOKIE??”

“I’M THIRSTY!”

And that’s just the way there.

Then, there’s the fact that they didn’t fall asleep in the car. At least, until we were within half an hour of our destination. And the fact that they woke up at 5. (Try keeping two children quiet so Daddy can get enough sleep to start his homework that he had to bring whilst simultaneously trying to at least zone out to get some pseudo-sleep yourself.)

ONE. TWO. THREE.

And the lack of nap. No nap. Mommy crying. No nap. Daddy crying. Daddy did homework in the hotel bathroom with his books spread out along the bathtub and the floor while sitting on the toilet seat lid so it would be dark enough for them to sleep a little bit. And, of course, once we finally got the ham and veggies cooked in Auntie Wootsie’s adorably sized not-quite-two-pies-wide oven…

“I DON’T LIKE IT.” (They ate two bites of hot dog, half a spoon of scrambled egg, and one half bite of sweet potato the WHOLE DAY)…

ONE. TWO. THREE.

And, when all is said and done, we all slept until a little over 7am (THANK HEAVENS)the next day, both boys actually ate a bit of oatmeal, (Of all things, this hotel had amaaaazing oatmeal..), and we had some reaaaaaally good breakfast at one of Auntie Wootsie and Uncle T’s favorite breakfast joints, (Nicely chosen, guys!) ANNNND we picked out a new bubble bath at a little store on the main street.They were pretty tuckered. AND YET they still played in Auntie Wootsie’s bed until they got found out and separated to actually sleep.

ONE. TWO. THREE.

Finally it was time to go. They were fine until we dropped Uncle T off at the boat. Then…

“I’m THIRSTY” “Can I have some water?” “Can you hold my water?” “Can you take the lid for my water?” “Can you take my water now?” “I am all done with my water, here you go.” “I’M THIRSTY” “Can I have my water back?”… (This was a true conversation and the whole thing took less than 5 minutes.)

ONE. TWO. THREE.

Made it through navigating to try and find a place to eat after almost running a red light because of the cacophony ensuing in our little rental car…

AND THEN…

“MOM I HAVE TO POOP”.

Now we come to the crux of the situation. After two gas stations that were closed minus the fuel pumps, and enough farts to perfume our car with Eau Du Leftovers for an entire half an hour, from various people in the car (since no one would own up to it, including Biggest)… we finally found a gas station that had a bathroom. Biggest insisted that he no longer had to go, and I was presented with a chocolate bar in honour of my significant contribution to everyone remaining in the vehicle in a single (albeit smelly) piece.

ONE. TWO. THREE.

The rest of the trip afterwards was relatively uneventful, except for the “I’M TIRED” “I CAN’T CLOSE MY EYES” “I CAN’T SEE!” “WHY IS IT DARK?” stuff. Also, Littlest was the only one who fell asleep, and it was 20 minutes before we reached our house. 10pm this time.

ONE. TWO. THREE.

All in all, it was actually a fun trip. I do feel like there was a goodly percentage of whine, and an awful lot of ONE. TWO. THREE. on my part… but we made it, and we’d do it again. I will say though, next time, I’m bringing a gas mask for the way home, and smuggling some brandyย in my tea mug. Just to be sure.

Trip success – CHECK!

The Handler.

PS: It should be noted that I still had to contend with double drop off the next morning, with my usual early start at 6:15. We were so late out the door that I literally had to piggy back Biggest and essentially run him to school.

HEE HAW.

 

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